Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, gather ’round as we attempt to put order into the chaotic world of Thanksgiving foods. With a day known almost as much for football as it is for turkey consumption, it only seemed right to apply the logic of the sports world to the iconic dishes of the Thanksgiving table. As such, I have compiled a Power Ranking of the top five Thanksgiving Day foods. Remember these are my rankings therefore my thoughts and, or opinions, do not reflect the views of the entire Meteor staff. May your turkey be moist, your potatoes buttery and your pie crust flaky. Now on to the rankings …
Surprised that turkey didn't take the top spot? You shouldn't be. If your stuffing (or dressing if you swing that way) isn't up to snuff, the whole meal can fall apart. Growing up, my mom used to cook the stuffing inside the bird and man did it taste good. Now I know that we were probably flirting with salmonella every year, but I survived, so I don’t care. The stuffing is the backbone of Thanksgiving; the unsung utility hero. This Thanksgiving, give thanks for stuffing. It deserves your love at No. 1.
2. Macaroni and Cheese
It’s very easy to mess up macaroni and cheese, but sweet heavens when it is done right it is unstoppable. Apologies to those who are lactose intolerant, but mac and cheese is the way and the light when it comes to the Thanksgiving table. The turkey always makes it through the night for leftovers at good homes. The mac and cheese is usually lucky to make it to the Cowboys game.
The franchise player of the table. The myth, the legend, the turkey. The turkey has been holding down tables for several centuries and there’s no way it’s stopping soon. Not chicken, not fried turkey, not even that ghastly turducken has been able to move turkey from its perch on top of the latter.
4. Collard Greens
After eating all of this garbage, you have to try and fool yourself into thinking you are eating something a little bit healthy. So what do you do? Throw in some collard greens of course, just to balance it all out. Spoiler alert: collard greens, especially cooked on Thanksgiving, are almost positively not healthy for you. But it doesn’t matter because they’re delicious.
5. Pumpkin Pie
It might seem like a leap to put a dessert on the list, but let me explain my logic. Chances are, the pumpkin pie is the last thing you'll eat on Thanksgiving. You're well past the point of full and plunging quickly into a food coma, so the pie will end up being the final impression your Thanksgiving meal gets to make. If it's bad, you're going to walk away from dinner feeling miserable. If it's good, though, it can cover up the fact that the side dishes made you want to throw drumsticks at people.
Megan Huston the sports editor for The Madisonville Meteor. She can be reached at (936) 348-3505 or firstname.lastname@example.org.